My thoughts

I’m back again, without cause. My life lacks order, but, within this chaos, I reside indefinitely. My thoughts continuously land me writing my thoughts without purpose, yet I feel scripted. My manifesto has been to stick to a plan, and build a worthy future. I imagined this would be through routines, perseverance, and sticking to the system. However, in the times that I am challeneged the most, I revert to a child, wandering alone. Then, I see others who live without a physical purpose, which goes against my own identity. The question arises: what is right? I think the answer is not a yes or a no, as most answers cannot be that simple. I think finding the answer is our main goal in life, figuring out why we are alive. In this pursuit, though, we need to preserve ourselves for that realization as best as we can. In my case, I strive to give myself the best opportunity to go to whatever college I want, and then choose my career afterwards. Sometimes, I have trouble remembering this, and I get caught up with momentary self-satisfaction. It is in these times that I risk my future, and separate myself from others. Instead, I wish to be reoriented, so that I can stay on track. This is where boys are separated from men, since not everyone can do this. I fight the battle constantly, and tend to lose more than I would like. My resolution, therefore, is to look beyond me and remind myself what I stand to gain, rather than how tired I am, or how happy I can be now. Because, in order to be who I want to be, I know I need to look ahead of myself, and get out of the now.


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